Peer Review 2

Great work Bella! Your blog is packed full of drama! When’s the play coming out? ha ha …

Coming from a non-drama background I really appreciated how you built up tension and anticipation in the piece, like how you artfully describe Sophia’s face, I can vividly imagine her red face (from being flustered and the wine) blooming with anger and jealousy. I think reading through this again would help your punctuation and spelling, (should be you’re gay not your gay) perhaps even reading it aloud in order to find the natural pauses in regular dictate. Indeed, I think that through the skilful manipulation of form and grammar this moment’s intensity could’ve been taken even further. Through implementing short sharp to the point lines rather than the long paragraphs that Sophia speaks in, could make her seem less drunk and deluded rather more angry and jealous. For example, as Robert tries to negotiate with her, perhaps her response could be “ok Robert, we’ll enjoy this dinner ‘peacefully'”, this sentence is still loaded with rage and jealousy as well as a highly sarcastic undertone which makes Sophia sound more cunning and jealous rather than enraged and unjustified for feeling the way she does (and she should, because this is straight out of the real housewives of somewhere).

Perhaps also, your script could have benefitted from prompts about the lighting or non human drama, like John and Sophia’s ‘song’ plays on the radio and see how they will react to that.